An Evening of the Stockpot

【 prose / English 】

2005-04-25

It was an evening of the stockpot with assorted tastes. There were intermixed tongues in the play, mixture of reality and dreams, clashes between different senses, belonging to separate periods, of religions, colorful fireworks in the sky, diversified people on the ground, and languages broadcasted from amplifiers respectively. On the MRT tram, with a mind not placid, the thoughts were already blended with Milan Kundera. What a stockpot of all-flavor mingling…

There were so many spectators in front of the stage. I walked from Inn-soann-a MRT station （圓山捷運站）to Po-an-keng（保安宮）with the couple I met on the tram. It was about the act 3 or 4 when we arrived. The spot in where our writing group appointed to gather was so crowded that I looked around but couldn’t find the teacher and other pals.

What even more was, on the stage, we couldn’t find the language which we were familiar with.

The tongue in pak-koan-hi（北管戲）sounded like Latin or Sanskrit, pretty hard to understand, in the spectators’ ears. The captions projected on the screens on both sides of the stage helped a lot. It is a kind of vernacular composed by Holo and queer-tone Mandarin. Though it’s said queer, actually in it those retroflexions and labio-dental fricatives, which are incompatible with Holo, all have disappeared. In the vernacular, Holo vocabulary mingles with the molted Mandarin pronunciation. Almost no one understood it besides the actresses (actors) on the stage. The pak-koan-hi belongs to the people in front of the stage with its identity of a traditional opera. However there’s a lukewarm sense in this relationship for the dialogue and singing in a rare vernacular.

In my mind, a tricky idea rised when I saw a couple of Westerners. The spectators were not some big potatos but common people found in any secluded corners of the town. The genuine local play is supposed to be very close to the local people. I thought the foreign friends might not know we had the same linguistic obstacle when viewing the opera. The obstacle can also be projected to the ceremonies in the churches of the middle ages. Actresses (actors), spectators and the theatrical tongue are metaphors of priests, laymen and Latin language respectively. That’s a symbol to relieve the linguistic hindering. Also with that tacit comprehension, we would be able to meet and sympathize each other in the inner room behind the stage and the altar.

The plot of the play was written according to some dubious anecdotes of Tng Empire (唐帝國/Tang Empire). Hoan Li-hoa (樊梨花) and Sih Teng-san (薛丁山) commanded the imperial troops to fight against the enemies. Two weird-looking shamans set up an invulnerable battle array called Kim-kong Tai-tin (金剛大陣). Sih Teng-san had no idea but went to Khun-lun (崑崙) to request the master to help. “Khun-lun ti toh-ui? (Where’s Khun-lun?)” The man sat next to me asked an elder behind him. For sure it was not a serious geographical question. The question itself just meant to knock on the heads of imagologists behind the opera script. Khun-lun could be anywhere. Khun-lun is the place in where masters and magical apparatuses are.

If the ancient pak-koan-hi did not settle down and revive in Lan-iong Opera Troupe (蘭陽劇團), it was impossible for it to show again in the origin-forgetting Taipei. The gaudy costumes nowadays did not even belong to its once glorious days. It has seen better days in which there was no amplifier, but those were also the days you can hear pak-koan-hi everywhere. Now it is sung and read out of the amplifiers, but few can hear instead. The power of amplifiers can be that high to make the spectators all deaf. But when it comes to go against the politics and trends, its sound is so faint that it could be likened to ants walking on the gong. There are fewer and fewer pak-koan-hi musicians, the music has been recorded and locked in the tapes and CDs. I wonder if there are people who listen to it after the cultural festival ends up. Also these are the merely several days the ancient music and tongue have chances to cooperate and compete with the modern stage lighting, audio equipments, and dry ice spraying.

The stage was set in the square, surrounded by wing-rooms, in front of the temple. A pedestrian path was between the temple and the square. The spacial circumstances caused heavy sound effects when the fireworks began to crack, and music to be performed before the temple. All the sounds resonated like waves clashing each other among the audience shockingly.

I turned around and then saw a batch of modern fireworks rush up into the murky sky with colors of red, yellow, orange and green. After that, a lot of soaring crackers were kindled; scurrying up and emitting shrill screams. The music of the worshiping ceremony sounded. All came to the climax when the act 9 started. People couldn’t help but had to cover their ears. It was also when I decided to leave.

Out of the square people were found gathering in a circle in front of the temple. Joss papers were on fire in 3 stacks respectively. A shaman was exercising the worshiping manners before the incense burner with the ceremonial music performing. Tall puppets representing Chhit-ia (七爺 / name of a godling) and Peh-ia (八爺 / name of a godling) stood by. The sounds of the opera had much diminished here. I felt a sort of peaceful and respectful atmosphere. Actually it was inappropriate to say peaceful for it was noisy actually. I was pretty surprised that that was the first time I didn’t feel uneasy being among the ceremony of the traditional religion. The attitude I’d taken had severed me from the land. Although I still could not join the worship, at least I already was able to perceive the maternal embrace of the land and the linkage with the ancestors and people. There were affections of dependability and peace I had not known. It seemed that I could see the feeling stretched all the way along Tai-liong Street (大龍街) and Khou-lun Street (庫倫街) to the MRT station.

The messages broadcasted in the MRT station were done in 4 languages in turn. The first was Taiwanese-style Mandarin of which the tone has become mellow. The second was Holo spoken by an announcer who forgot to relax her tongue. Then here came the twittering and softly-sounded Hakka which aroused the images of trees of flowers on Chhau-soann (草山). Among the languages, English, the last one, was the only one that had not rooted in this land. The English announcements sounded like abruptly and ended up the message stiffly.

I then sat in the tram again and opened Immortality of Milan Kundera to the last chapter. The title was “celebrating”. Though it was late to celebrate the moment worthy to toast at the very beginning. Well, so what? The immortality could lasts unrestrainedly ever. We could always be able to abolish the fear of the immortal one in time. It just as that we could never be able to undo the disappointment and perplexity of losing something.

So my friend, maybe you would be kind enough to allow me to bestow an odd and curt footnote to this prose: what an evening of the stockpot with assorted favors on the both austronesian and Han-cultural island state at all times.

軟骨頭犬之物語

【 prose / Mandarin 】

軟骨頭是一種講求實際的土狗，他們看事情的角度很簡單，只要保住自己的性命，顧好自己的肉骨頭，其他的事，就只管靜靜地忍耐，笨笨地裝可憐，他們相信委屈求全、窩囊到底，一切就不會改變，也可以繼續過著幸福快樂的日子。

他們都把早期台灣警察面對群眾運動的格言：「打不還手、罵不還口」刻在腦子裡，他們不是警犬，也不關心街頭上的人群是暴民流氓還是民主人士，他們只是單純地相信，如果強出頭想反抗，膽敢對攻擊、羞辱他們的人有所忤逆，那麼他們會更快地就失去現在所擁有的一切。

他 們的想法有著悠久的傳統，而且像信仰一樣的牢固，百折不撓，不到一個世紀前，納粹及法西斯的勢力方興未艾，當時以張伯倫為首的軟骨頭派就是這樣「勇敢」 地主張，對侵略者採取強硬行動會引起普遍的歐洲戰爭，如此一來英國牧羊犬在這場戰爭中，只會遇到無法預料的災難而不會贏得任何東西，故而極力主張對德國狼 狗的侵略擴張採取妥協、退讓、姑息的綏靖政策，他和當時的法國布丁狗達拉第聯合起來，強迫東歐的捷克小獵犬不要抵抗德國狼狗，結果造成東歐被納粹狼狗一口 吞噬，軟骨頭的英法等眾狗，仍以為只要不要反抗、拒絕戰爭，侵略者就會滿意地離去，可是法國布丁狗最後還是被納粹狼狗給咬爛，英國也成為狼狗追逐的目標， 如果不是有英吉利海峽，英國牧羊犬只怕也得一起祭入五臟府。

「不要打仗，什麼都好談！」軟骨頭們義正辭嚴地呼喊著，他們相信誠意可以感動 頭上天，誠心可以感化侵略者，他們覺得侵略者就是一條飢餓的小狼狗，只要乖 乖地伸出狗腿給牠咬上一口，牠就會滿意的離開，其實自古以來侵略者都是貪得無靨的大野狼，你越是膽怯退縮，牠則是得寸進尺，直到完全把你撕爛吞下肚為止， 凡被狗追過的人都知道，勇敢地表達立場，挺直腰桿，積極反抗，狗才會夾著尾巴退後，忘記你是一塊排骨，重新把你當人看。

或許台灣土狗們不 當正常人太久，忘了上頭這種「狗的哲學」，竟然因為看到最近國內外雜誌上中國示威群眾齜牙咧嘴的照片，會激動地脫口而出：「你看！中國北 京狗的民族主義這麼強烈，我們不可能向併吞說不的。」英國牧羊犬張伯倫當初不也是這麼想嗎？他看見德國狼狗趾高氣昂地要求「生存空間」，認為說「不」很危 險，不如把捷克獵犬和東歐整批送給狼狗啃噬，牠就會滿意地乖乖離開，上百萬條人命已經證明張伯倫錯了，不過至今仍有軟骨頭們覺得這是對的，他們堅持相 信，只要舉起雙手投降，中國北京狗就會非常非常溫柔地侵犯你，不會讓你太過痛苦，歷史是不斷重覆的蠢事，這話還真是說得狗對！

只是，納粹狼狗真的毫不猶豫地吞下捷克獵犬，中國北京狗最近汪汪地向日本秋田犬吠得很大聲，其實爪子連碰都不敢碰到牠很想吃的釣魚台便當，看起來，中國北京狗比較會虛張聲勢。

如 果張伯倫從墳墓裡醒過來，大概會因此反對現代的軟骨頭效法他的模樣，因為張伯倫安撫的是一條真正敢咬人的德國大狼狗，可是現在叫得很大聲的，其實是一隻 中國北京狗，他的爪子和牙齒不但沒有日本秋田犬尖銳，也沒有四處游走的美國鬥牛埂來得孔武有力，不過奇怪的是一大群台灣土狗卻因為軟骨病發作，決定要把狗 腿送給北京狗咬上一口，說起來誰真知道太過狗腿，北京狗會不會因此得意忘形，轉身變成66年前的那隻弄得血跡斑斑的德國狼狗。

台灣土 狗想要的是什麼呢？不就是維持現在的富裕和民主嗎？雖然說防止台灣土狗被北京狗吃掉，符合日本秋田犬和美國鬥牛埂的狗家利益，算一算，三隻狗也足以 阻止一隻瘋狗，不過台灣土狗卻被張伯倫附身，相信歷史上一直毫無建樹的姑息主義（appeasement）一定可以創下首次的成功。

軟骨 頭們說：「沒關係吧！香港西施犬被北京狗吃掉以後，也過得好好的呀！沒有什麼改變。」造成軟骨頭的維生素缺乏症，讓軟骨頭也同時健忘又眼盲，忘了香港 西施犬在被吞掉以後一蹶不振的房地產、居高不下的失業率，最後不得不鬆開狗鏈讓大陸「同胞」來消費振興經濟，結果卻是大圈仔偷搶殺姦，治安一落千丈。

軟 骨頭眼盲嚴重，忘了香港西施犬的言論自由受到壓縮、宗教信仰受到限制（法輪功成員無法入境等）、西施犬所嚮往的民主選舉停滯不前，更有甚者，北京狗根本 沒把肚子裡的香港西施犬看在眼裡，不久前才準備把西施犬基本法改掉，把西施犬連骨頭一起消化掉，結果香港西施犬用五十萬人次的街頭運動讓北京狗肚子痛到打 滾，不得不暫時放棄進一步的欺凌。

這在一群軟骨頭的台灣土狗眼裡是看不到的，軟骨頭說：「香港西施犬好像過得還不錯，我們還是乖乖被北京狗吃掉吧！應該不會過得太差！」軟骨頭久了，智商也退化，竟然忘記香港西施犬本來就是北京狗的獵餌樣本，一旦北京狗想吃的都咬在嘴裡了，還管你什麼五十年不變一狗兩制？

軟 骨頭老祖宗造成侵略者全面發動大戰，也造成納粹大批地屠殺猶太人，很多人譴責納粹的罪行，也有很多人在懺悔，可是如果不是因為「軟骨頭」，侵略者的胃口 會被養大，最後肆無忌憚四處殘殺嗎？大家不應該忘記在美國波士頓一座被屠殺猶太人的紀念碑上，一名叫做馬丁的德國新教神父留下的一段話：

『起初他們追殺共産主義者，我不是共産主義者，我不說話；接著他們追殺猶太人，我不是猶太人，我不說話；此後他們追殺工會會員，我不是工會會員，我繼續不說話；再後來他們追殺天主教徒，我不是天主教徒，我還是不說話；最後他們奔我而來，再也沒有人站起來爲我說話了。』

如果古往今來不斷重覆的張伯倫失敗經驗，都還不能喚醒台灣土狗裡的姑息主義軟骨頭，但願這段改寫的集體懺悔警世錄能有點小小的作用：

『起 初他們追殺香港西施犬，我不是香港西施犬，我不說話；接著他們追殺台獨埂犬，我決定不當台獨 埂犬，我不說話；此後他們追殺中華民國杜賓，我放棄當中華民國杜賓，我繼續不說話；再後來他們取消一狗兩制臘腸，我只好丟掉一狗兩制臘腸，我還是不說話； 最後他們奔我而來，再也沒有人站起來爲我說話了。』

軟骨頭的台灣土狗，現在還有人替你說話，你是說話不說話？

Unreversable After the Bang

【prose / English】

In a world being crafted about 3 decades ago, sadness is the end product of weakness. As for the weakness, it is the first factor and the Destiny.

part.1 Sadness

It's a stupid ambivalence. Good restaurants, wonderful foods, fantastic scenes and the beautiful weather now seem to be the shadows of a ratty life. No more the seducements bode a plan or a enjoyable gathering in the coming days, but remind him that all the warmth and joys of sunshine belong to the others. Once when he was thrown into the abyss, he should not expect they work in the dark den.

Here's the metaphor. A prisoner is locked in a swarthy cell. He can see no way out. Death doesn't augurs terrors but a yearning release. The best treatment he thirsts for being granted undoubtedly would be a thorough murk. For even a faint beam from a flashlight can irritate his eyes and also pour ridicule.

part. 2 Weakness

Self-esteem and intimacy are twins. Though we may never be Freud, we can tell the sear in the tender age that works like the bang that creates the whole universe. It's the forces and laws of Destiny keeping on moulding the life.

The deprivation of intimacy brings out the fear of the same thing. It sounds like "never better than ever". However the deprivation itself convicted him of inferior. The accusation then pushs him around to find a way to be remitted. He's a beast pants for self-esteem. He knows nothing of the pith of relationship. But the predator continues to loot in hopes of being relieved. He's just been filling the wrong stomach. That's why he can never be fulfilled.

Finale

Just do I recall repeatedly there's a paradox in theology. The dilemma of human free will and divine almighty administration. Is it simply a drama following a play script exactly? Or it's a world might ruin itself after a long run for there's no one mastering ubiquitously and incessantly. All I know is men cannot even go against his causes. Some day the scientists may give us a whole picture of the universe, but I do not expect anyone can overturn the laws and the ongoing process after the big bang.

失望 kám 有底止

【 七字 á / Holo 】

無管山頭鹿角尾
Iah 是崁跤深山坑
有伊鎮殿心肝底
Pa-lang 或是風雨暝

伊收 soah 化妝舞會
加冠面 lóng 離面皮
多所見就無奇怪
目識利利心知知

失望若 chún 有底止
玫瑰才望有後期
煩惱 sô 出墓塚 á
艱苦怎講會透機

向望失望無底止
大石沈海心稀微
看人袂輸相壁堵
呣通袂記得往時

Dear Grandpa… A Translator Needed

【comment / English】

A little boy was asked how’s the new local language class in school. He smiled like a blossoming morning glory. “You know what? I can talk with my grandpa now! “ He said cheerfully.

The linguistic gap derived from intermarriage, isn’t it? “Nope” is the answer. Millions of examples can you find to prove the prevailing circumstances in Taiwan. And what is more, most of the family members including the parents, kids and their grandparents share a same ethnic identity and mother tongue. What a bizarrerie!

The following conversation happened in a stem family. “你腹肚會iau--無？ [Holo]” (Are you hungry?) Said a-kong (grandpa). The grandson looked so confused. The mother perceived the predicament and served as a translator."爺爺在問你肚子餓不餓呀？快回答！[Madarin]"（Grandpa is asking you’re hungry or not. Reply him.）The grandson did reply, in a language confused his grandpa reciprocally, “喔！我想吃糖果！[Madarin]”(Oh! I wanna some candy.) The mother had no choice but to save her father through translating again, “I 想 beh 食糖 a--lah。[Holo]”(He wanna eat some candy.)

What a ridiculous scene it is. They even live under the same roof. But the whole education system is molding children into aliens to their grandparents. Their parents suffered the same “redevelopment” but at least still have parents who talk with them in mother tongue. Now they become accomplices unconsciously because they were taught in schools, when they were young, their mother tongue is barbarous. As a result, they would love to help their kids to be linguistically “civilized”.

It’s a cultural tragedy in Taiwan. KMT (the Nationalists) who rulled this island after being defeated by the Communists and fled from China gripped the media and education system. The sino-government-in-exile reconstructed them to be propaganda machines that have been desperately sinicizing Taiwan for decades. Though the once tyrannic regime has lost its power. Its remaining schemes are still poisoning Taiwanese people.

No wonder it’s hard to find youngsters who know that Madarin, the official language in Taiwan nowaday, has been spoken among Taiwanese no more than 60 years. Not to blame more and more Taiwanese can’t tell their differences from Chinese culturally and linguistically.

It’s such a pain to be deprived one’s own culture and identity. Also from the view of the whole human being, the cultural and linguistic crisis undergone by an island which was once an Austronesian paradise with more than 20 languages and ethnic groups could be an unrecoverable damage, which is likened by Economist to dropping bombs on the museums. Cultural assets are not perennials. They withered once and forever.

The little boy is so happy to regain the ability to communicate with his grandpa. Pity is that so many boys’ parents might think mother tongue learning may or may not be needed so far. Needless to say we Taiwanese still have pro-China legislaturers who oppose the emergency measure to teach local languages in schools. I just cannot figure out the reason why, in their eyes, nothing is valuable if it goes against the annexing ambition of China.

When a repeated offender always demands an apology

【comment / English】

For some aspects, it is a dangeraous world. A tsunami hit the southeastern Asia just several months ago, claiming a death toll of hundreds of thousands. In a period of less than a month, Japan has been striken by severe earthquakes for several times. Nature has been glimpsed cruel, but nothing could be bloodier and more brutal than our internecine wars.

Never forget we can hardly find innocent people on earth. Are there any nations or ethnic groups qualified to claim that their forefathers and themselves have nothing to do with invasions? If there are lacks of apologies, we do owe each other some words as “I’m so sorry.”

That’s what I felt when I knew huge anti-Japan demonstrations are coming up in China again. The protestors yell that Japan should not describe their war crime cunningly in the textbooks, and demand apologies. I’ve heard the Chinese have been keeping on asking for an apology from Japan once and once again since I was very young. The Japanese do have apologized, though with delicate diplomatic languge but also abundant ODA (official development assistance). However it seems the Chinese are never satisfied. The repeated offender always demands one more apology.

How can China deny that its people are repeated invaders? Everyone knows the ancient Chinese ancestors lived in a relatively small area downstream along the Yellow River. Are the Chinese people going to tell us that all the territories out of where their ancestors were have been annexed peacefully? According to the historical books, we can even find easily that Chinese troops going over the border, conquering and slaughtering. The descendants of the victims spread almost all over the East Asia, and the central Asia, even Europe depending on your definition of the word China and which purported Chinese dynasty is part of Chinese history and which is not.

China does owe a lot of nations apologies. Also China does cover up trickily the war crimes their forefathers committed in their own textbooks. China has never paid ODA to anyone to express that they are so sorry.

Is anyone who can tell me why the repeated offender, China, always demands an apology from Japan, not even mentioning its rattling the saber toward Taiwan?

Sakamifonosaw ci Taokara kakoanan

【prose / Mandarin】

他想殺我，而且總是在 J. A. 路上等著我，偏偏每天是不是會走在那條路上，卻不是我所能決定的，那有點像是在公車專用道旁邊擲銅板，正面 15、反面 214，擲出反面的時候，我就知道今晚會遇見他。

一下了車，明亮的騎樓邊，販售著五顏六色的衣飾、香味四溢的食物，可是他早已經迫不及待地靠了上來，口裡吐著威嚇的話：「死ななければなりません！你活著幹什麼呢！」

轉 進了 J. A. 路以後，是另一個世界，路燈昏暗，騎樓的商家少了三分之二以上，震耳欲聾的 pops 和 funks 樂音也不見了，現在，他的聲音主控全場，他用生動的描述，讓我好像親眼看見，他拿著刀子，用力地捅進我的胸口、我的腹部，我只差不能想像實際的痛覺，畢 竟， 我的身體還不曾真正地吃進刀鋒，我沒有辦法模擬電視劇裡頭，那種似痛非痛、因著刀鋒和筋肉磨蹭而起伏變化的表情和感受。

只不過話說回來，我知道他不敢的，他只是個虛張聲勢的懦夫，更精確點說，他是個找不到出口的病人，他的恫嚇和催逼令人目眩，可他卻沒有付諸行動的勇氣，也因為如此，我所嚮往的那一陣痛楚後的永遠平靜，一直停留在幻想的階段。

「你不敢的！膽小鬼！」我膽子壯了，竟然開始恥笑他，心裡想著今天日文課裡練習對話的情景，一具不存在的電話，在幾個固定的套語中間，有一句一起去看電影的邀約，「来週の日曜日、観覧車前に待っているよう。」

他眉頭一蹙、欲言又止，顯然是不知道該怎麼用一個不熟悉的語言來表達心裡頭那個複雜的情緒。「（摩天輪嗎？在摩天輪前頭等著嗎？Ooops！該不會要先坐了摩天輪才去看電影吧！不要！我最怕高了，我連兒童樂園的摩天輪都極度排斥，拜託！放過我吧！）」

一個連摩天輪都不敢坐的人，竟然威嚇著要把刀尖鑽進一個熱騰騰的身體裡，真可笑呀！

想著想著，暗暗的夜空突然掉下豆大的雨珠，我一點也不想躲，連加快腳步的意願都沒有，因為心裡有百種交陳的滋味，我需要流點眼淚，而全世界都知道，在大雨裡頭落淚，是膽小鬼最好的迷彩了。

「唉！不行！背包裡的 X31 可禁不起雨淋，我還得靠它把稿子寫完哩！」我恨死了這個突如其來的怪念頭，信步走回騎樓下，脫下外衣，小心地把背包包裹。

「死ななければなりません！你活著幹什麼呢！」他的聲音穿過我的耳朵，我的耳朵快長繭了。

是的，我知道，我真的知道，下次、還有下下次、下下下下次，只要是擲出硬幣反面的晚上，他都會在 J.A. 路埋伏等著我，用更狠毒的話威脅我，直到他鼓起勇氣，拿起刀子，結束一切的那一天。

流浪兮路咁已經出尾

【 poem / Holo】

抵著春天黃煨兮日頭，
流浪兮路咁已經出尾？

目屎無閣趁傷心兮歌，
流浪兮路咁已經出尾？

堅心允頓　拗黃紙批
石磨磨心　注水坐底

流浪兮路咁已經出尾？